Tuesday, 26 January 2010
The past couple of weeks have had me all over the place. On my knees trying to get sick stains out of the carpet after I forced Evie to school, dismissing her sore stomach as trapped wind. In a local pub for a secret meeting (secret because I didn't want anyone to know about it) with a young man, who asked me if I wanted to accompany him to a wedding in St Lucia - wow! Slight draw back, it's 8 days and I have to find £1500 to pay for it, oh yes and I have a child. That'll be a no then. He wants to see me again, actually, I think he just wants to have sex with an older woman. Unfortunately he's not going to get that from me, I don't want to be a MILF.

I also had to travel north at the weekend. It was Evie's father's 50th and I'd promised that I would take her up for his party. I laughed at the thought of him being 50. Isn't it strange that the age difference hasn't changed but the fact that he has turned 50 seems to make it feel bigger?

Knowing that I was going up north I decided to catch up with some old friends. One in particular who I'd recently got in touch with through Facebook. I'm not quite sure why I got in touch with Mr Rockstar. I hadn't seen him properly for almost 15 years but there was a memory of him that I just couldn't get out of my head. Perhaps it was curiosity that made me search for him on Facebook - I don't know. Mr Rockstar explained that he too was going to be in the area at the weekend, so I had suggested that we should meet for a catch up.

Mr Rockstar and I had a "thing" going on when I was 17 and he was 20. For roughly 5 weekends in a row we had snogging sessions while out at the pub. As far as I was concerned it was just drunken snogging, so when I decided I would prefer to snog his friend instead one weekend I thought nothing of it. Mr Rockstar wasn't impressed and although a fight didn't break out some choice words were used. I've felt bad about that ever since, especially since his friend wasn't that great at kissing. Serves me right for being so greedy!

Although I would see Mr Rockstar when I went to watch his band play, I never really spoke to him again and he moved away. Just after I had Evie I found out that the singer of Mr Rockstar's band had died of a Heroin overdose. It was a total shock to me, I had known the guy and I just couldn't believe that he'd gone down that route. I decided to go to the funeral and I will never forget when I walked into the funeral directors and saw Mr Rockstar sitting with the rest of the band in a room off to the side. I caught his eye but I don't think he saw me, I don't even think he recognised me. I felt utter pain for him and wanted to say something but I couldn't find the words. I never saw him again after that, although that memory of him sitting there, at his friend's funeral looking totally lost has never gone away.

The weekend was my chance to do right for my wrongs all those years ago. I was hoping that Mr Rockstar wouldn't get the wrong message about us meeting up. I just wanted a friendly catch up, I wasn't looking for a lumber. I just really wanted to say sorry to him, sorry for not finding the words at the funeral.

When Saturday night came though I got extremely nervous. Why was I nervous?? My poor cousin Molly had to put up with me nattering away anxiously while waiting to meet Mr Rockstar and where was he? I'd wandered around the bar to look for him but no sign, maybe he was in the upstairs bar? No, no sign of him there either. Starting to feel even more unprepared for this reunion I decided to text him "where are you?" No response to my text, by this time I was almost looking for a brown paper bag to blow in, still wondering why I was so nervous. Back down to the downstairs bar and I check my phone, no reply to my text. I look round and see this tall, scruffy haired guy walking towards me smiling. Bugger, Mr Rockstar had got even better looking and looked just my type.....


Lottie said...

Cant wait to hear more about Mr Rockstar he sounds like he could be fun!

Lottie x

Rapunzel said...

Welcome back! We've missed you!

Did it feel weird sending Evie to her dad's party?

Actually forget that, tell us more about Mr Rockstar!

Rapunzel x

Bird on a Wire said...


Apologies for the absence but sick is a bastard to get out of a cream carpet!

I will explain all about Evie and her Dad soon but meantime, I'm off to text Mr Rockstar!

Bird x


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Bird on a Wire
Imagine Carrie from Sex and the City morphed with Bridget Jones and a baby thrown in for added entertainment – that’s me, the ever optimistic romantic looking for my Mr Big but already with child! Read my blog from the beginning where I find out I am pregnant following a brief fling with my much older male colleague and fast forward to where I am now, stressed out working mum to my beautiful 10 year old daughter wondering if love really does in fact exist at first sight.
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