Sunday, 10 January 2010
I've only introduced two men into my daughter's life as "Mum's boyfriend", Mr Skinny Jeans and Mr Offshore. Evie became quite fond of Mr Skinny Jeans, probably because he was a big kid himself. Those feelings of fondness soon turned to disappointment following our split due to him asking for a DS game back that he'd "given" to Evie. Apparently he'd only said she could borrow it. I reminded him that when you say to a child "you can have that if you want" it generally means that they believe the item is now theirs.

I had hoped Mr Offshore would have been the last boyfriend I introduced to Evie but alas that wasn't to be. Although the way I've been feeling lately he could well be as the thought of getting involved with someone else fills me with complete dread.

I was always straight with Mr Offshore right from the beginning. I explained to him that I tried to remain on good terms with my exes, most had become friends and that I felt I got on better with men rather than women. Although I suspect this is because I've often been the single one out of my female group of friends. It was always like that at school so I just started hanging around with the guys, plus I was really into gigging so I'd often hit the big city with "the boys" to see some bands.

Initally Mr Offshore was a bit concerned about this as he felt I was a bit niave to think that these men just wanted to be friends with me. I dismissed this as I've never generally thought of men finding me extremely attractive or desirable. I'm the one they might have a laugh with or will discuss the merits of the Barrowlands. I'm not the one they want to kiss or go to bed with. Mr Offshore wasn't convinced though and with time this concern only grew. Before I knew it I was beginning to feel guilty about speaking to any male friend on Facebook even though it was completely innocent. When my male friend Steven offered me the use of a spare laptop because mine wasn't working (and still isn't) I was questioned by Mr Offshore with "but what is he expecting in return??" That annoyed me, mainly because it gave the impression that I was a weak woman. Did Mr Offshore think I was incapable of resisting a man, any man at that? It would appear that it wasn't just men that were the issue though.

Our mutual friend who'd originally set us up invited us to a party at her house one Saturday night. It can sometimes be a bit daunting going to a party with your boyfriend and he is the only person you know. There's a certain level of responsibility for him to introduce you to people (and let's face it, not all men are good at doing that!) and to make sure that you don't feel abandoned. I had no fear of this as we were both very familiar with the enviornment and the people, so I was quite looking forward to it.

We hadn't long arrived when I was introduced to Anna who happened to be in a similar line of work to myself. We soon got into quite an intense discussion regarding our connections through work and I was really enjoying listening to her point of view. Now Anna is married, to another woman, yes she is a lesbian although I suppose technically she is bi-sexual as she later explained to me that she had been involved with men in the past. I was later told that she can be quite flirty and almost predatory but there was no doubt to me that she was completely commited to her partner. Perhaps there was some indirect flirting by Anna, I don't know but something certainly got Mr Offshore's back up as he challenged me when we later went to bed. It would appear that I turned my back on him while we were at the party (this was while I was in discussion with Anna). I was too tired and drunk to argue with him but he kept asking me if I loved him, wanted to be with him, that he wanted me to put him first, etc, etc. It was a relief when I fell asleep.

The following week while we were having dinner Mr Offshore mentioned that he'd bumped into Anna while he was at a training event. He explained that she worked in the same building where his training was being held. I jokingly responded "was she asking for me?" He looked me straight it the eye and said "you know, you do yourself no favours". I looked at him for an indication of humour in his response, there was none. "Christ, I'm heterosexual, Anna's a lesbian," I replied. It was then that I knew we were in serious trouble.


Rapunzel said...

I'm so glad that we know that you aren't with him anymore, because he sounds murder!

It tires me out just reading about him!

Kate said...

Oh my word! I agree with Rapunzel. Mr Offshore sounds so insecure and controlling all at the same time.

I've just found your blog and I love it, so I'm going to follow!

Bird on a Wire said...

Thanks Kate! Yes, it's funny how everyone around you can see that at the time but when you're in the middle of it you're oblivious!


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Bird on a Wire
Imagine Carrie from Sex and the City morphed with Bridget Jones and a baby thrown in for added entertainment – that’s me, the ever optimistic romantic looking for my Mr Big but already with child! Read my blog from the beginning where I find out I am pregnant following a brief fling with my much older male colleague and fast forward to where I am now, stressed out working mum to my beautiful 10 year old daughter wondering if love really does in fact exist at first sight.
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