Wednesday, 28 March 2001
My bump is growing dramatically now although I made sure I could still get my belly button piercing in! Attempted to finish with Daniel, I say attempted because I told him we should stay away from each other because of the fact he obviously didn't want to be with me, he said nothing. I just got out of his car and slammed the door hard. Yeah, slamming the door, that'll show him, that'll make him realise that I mean business. This new found energy is a bonus.

He hasn't made any attempt to discuss the situation at all. Thank god for the baby. I know that sounds bizarre considering the mess of everything but I just think of it growing inside me and everything else seems irrelevant.

Work is bollocks, it's hardly surprising since I have to see Daniel there everyday.

I wish Andrew Lincoln (Egg from This Life) was my love interest then I wouldn't have to put up with this shit, plus he's got good music taste.
Monday, 12 March 2001
Feel fantastic today, like I have heaps of energy and my mood has lifted. I suppose this has something to do with the fact that I'm in my second trimester. This is where you are supposed to start having lots of energy and be over the worst of the morning sickness which thankfully has stopped. I really shouldn't have complained about it, some people suffer with it throughout their whole pregnancy. The disgusting metalic taste I have had for the past few weeks has also disappeared. I've found myself wondering if I'll ever feel like my old self again.

I don't know how long I'll be able to continue house sharing, my flat mates are a great support, especially Mary who has helped me get through some really tough moments but it's not an ideal environment for a pregnant person to be in. For a start the majority of my flat mates smoke and for me personally, it's difficult seeing them all getting geared out for a night out when all I've felt capable of until recently was crash on the sofa.

My wee bump is starting to show and I feel really proud of it although I feel that I do have to hide it from Daniel. He only seems to be interested in me when he wants attention or affection from me.
Monday, 5 March 2001
I am having real fears today that I may not manage to cope with having a child on my own. I was down at Natalie's tonight babysitting her daughter and she was crying (apparently babies do this quite a lot). It made me think, will I be as patient or as calm as Natalie when I've got a screaming baby? How will I know what she or he wants?

I just want to prove to people that this is something that I can manage on my own, with or without Daniel's support. That'll be the kind of support where he finds out I'm pregnant, tells me he'll help me out and moves his wife and 2 children back into his house. Apparently they're being made homeless and have nowhere else to go. I'm trying to be really understanding about it but at the same time I'm thinking does this mean that they're getting back together? Is he not aware that there is a baby growing inside me and perhaps he should make his wife aware of this before she moves back in. I mean, should she know?
Friday, 2 March 2001
Helen at work asked me to be her bridesmaid at her wedding on September 15th. This is the first time I've been asked to be a bridesmaid since I was one for my Auntie when I was 8. Ironically the date of Helen's wedding is the date the baby is due. I knew at that point I was going to have to tell work so I went through to see my boss.

My boss is female so you would expect some understanding of the situation, especially since she is a mother herself albeit her children are grown up. I did not expect the following:

"You're pregnant to Daniel, the biggest tomcat in the town?" (well, in a way she was right, he was known for being a ladies man married or not)
"You're keeping the baby? Why on earth, it's only a bunch of cells."

Hmmm thanks for the support there and the sympathetic advice. I responded with "actually it's growing limbs at the moment". I couldn't think what else to say, I was in total shock at her cutting remarks.

After that I went and explained to Helen that with great disappointment I wouldn't be able to be her bridesmaid and told her I was pregnant. "Oh", was her simple response and then she got back to work.

Of course when the other girls in the office found out, they had all sensed beforehand. Apparently it's all in the eyes.


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Bird on a Wire
Imagine Carrie from Sex and the City morphed with Bridget Jones and a baby thrown in for added entertainment – that’s me, the ever optimistic romantic looking for my Mr Big but already with child! Read my blog from the beginning where I find out I am pregnant following a brief fling with my much older male colleague and fast forward to where I am now, stressed out working mum to my beautiful 10 year old daughter wondering if love really does in fact exist at first sight.
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