The Single Mum Life

As I type this I am currently sitting on the train to London, on my way to Mr Writer's book launch. When I first got the invite I imagined flirting with the eclectic mix of people that would be there. Perhaps I'd catch the eye of someone intriguing, talented and resembling Johnny Depp in the looks department? Once I'd split up with Mr Offshore I thought to myself "this is it, this is where I'm going to meet him, this is where I'm going to meet my future rock star husband" I couldn't wait, I was so excited at the thought of what could be waiting for me in North London. I'd almost forgotten the real reason I was there, to celebrate Mr Writer's novel being published.

And what am I doing now? I'm bloody well sitting here thinking about the fact that I can't wait to see Mr Rockstar on Saturday night when I get back. This isn't right. This wasn't my plan. It would've all been ok if it hadn't been for that pesky Vodka...

I’ve been thinking a lot about that word I mentioned during Valentine’s weekend, you know, the “L” one? Perfectly apt for the occasion albeit it between the throwing up sessions but hardly the right timing seeing as Mr Rockstar and I had only been seeing each other for 3 weeks.

I’d previously told him that I don’t do “I love yous”, that he would be waiting a long time until he heard those words from me. Deep down I suspect this was an attempt at trying to appear cool and hoping that in turn he would go out of his way to make me fall in love with him. Men always like a challenge. It would seem though, that all he had to do was ply me with Vodka and red wine. I’m so easy……

Evie didn't help matters either. Bounding into the room last weekend singing "Love is in the Air" while drawing an imaginary heart with her hands she stopped to shout "my Mum fancies you" to Mr Rockstar. Damn, she's sharp for an 8 year old! In true childish manner I replied "no I don't!" To which Evie retorted "yes you do, you love him". Ok, so not only had I drunkenly told Mr Rockstar that I was falling in love with him now Evie was adding her tuppence worth. Suddenly I was no longer her mother, I was the child in the playground that she was teasing, except that there was no bike shed for me to run and hide behind. I chose to do what I always do when she says something that I'm not ready to deal with or don't want to answer. I pretended I couldn't hear her and changed the subject.

The problem is though, when it's just yourself sitting on a train, no matter how hard you try you can't ignore your thoughts. No amount of searching for leopard print fur coats on Ebay will help disperse the little heart shaped thought bubbles in your head. I feel slightly overcome with all this, can I really be in love so soon?