Sunday, 10 October 2010
I’ve been watching This is England ’86 and I desperately want my hair like Lol’s. Being a natural brunette and a dark one at that it would be anything but an easy transition but my hairdresser states that if I start lightening gradually I may get there without actually ending up bald. A woman’s hair can be a real representation of her psychological state. Take Britney Spears for example, we didn’t need to be told that she was going through a breakdown when we watched her shave her head through the murky lens of the paparazzi’s camera.

When I split up with my Geordie boyfriend at 21, I cut all my hair off, or rather, some hairdresser from Toni and Guy did. I decided I wanted to look like Louise Wener from Sleeper but I also suspect that I didn’t want to look like the person who’d just had her heart broken.

While I was going out with Mr Rockstar my hair was the longest it had ever been, it was down to my waist. The ironic (and somewhat disturbing!) thing was that I wanted to have long hair for when I got married. I seriously thought that the years it would take me to grow my hair that length I would’ve met “the one”. Of course with Mr Rockstar I thought I had. Three weeks after the termination, I cut my hair. Not as drastically as when Geordie Boy had dumped me but even so there was a good 6 inches of hair lying on the salon floor. Now I’m wanting to get it bleached and shorter – what does that tell you?

There’s no doubt about it, I want to escape from the girl (woman?) I was at the beginning of the year. Is this deemed as "running away" or "reinvention"?

However much I try and detach myself from the person I was earlier on this year I know it won't stop the baby dreams. They've been happening on a regular basis. It's like a punishment, I'm happy with a baby in every single one. But those are dreams and it's not the reality, I have to keep reminding myself that.

They'll stop, eventually. Meanwhile, I need to start looking at other areas of my life that I need to change, starting with my romantic side. My mother says it causes me nothing but trouble and I am beginning to think she may be right. But how does one go about "de-romanticising" themselves? Should I refuse to watch rom-coms, stop looking for "signs", stop believing in love at first sight? Ironically I have never experienced love at first sight, lust yes, but I don't ever think love. The list is possibly endless but what is more problematic is the implementation. Of course throw yourself into a financially crippling, physically and mentally draining housing renovation and you're pretty much sorted. Add in the threat of losing your job and the process is complete.

So even if the bleach doesn't make my hair turn white, it's more than likely my current life will.......


Rapunzel said...

You are a braver woman than me if you could do such a drastic thing to your hair! Mind you the new cut looks amazing.

Sorry to hear about the dreams. You know where I am if you ever need me.



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Bird on a Wire
Imagine Carrie from Sex and the City morphed with Bridget Jones and a baby thrown in for added entertainment – that’s me, the ever optimistic romantic looking for my Mr Big but already with child! Read my blog from the beginning where I find out I am pregnant following a brief fling with my much older male colleague and fast forward to where I am now, stressed out working mum to my beautiful 10 year old daughter wondering if love really does in fact exist at first sight.
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