Wednesday, 10 March 2010
It was at the dinner table when I decided to confess to Evie that Mr Rockstar wasn't just "Mum's friend". It felt like confession, I felt like I was admitting to some terrible secret I'd been harbouring for years. The difference of course was that I wasn't shielded by a small booth and there wasn't necessarily going to be forgiveness from a higher being.

As she sat there chomping away one of her 4 fish fingers while trying to tell me all about the latest class romance I decided to seize the moment...

" we were all wondering if Harry was going to dance with Milly at the school disco as he's now Milly's boyfriend."
"Oh Milly's got a boyfriend, has she? How would you feel if Mummy had a boyfriend."
"Have you got a boyfriend Mum, have you? Who is it??" This was good, there was an air of anticipated excitement in her response.
"Well you sort of know him".
"Do I? Is it M??"
"Yes, it is". I said with a big, if not slightly nervous grin on my face.

Cue floods of tears. I wondered whether I ought to start building an ark. They didn't stop. Hmm, this wasn't going well. I couldn't understand it. She had been getting on fantastically well with Mr Rockstar. In fact I was quite surprised at how quickly she took to him. What were the tears all about? This was difficult, this was harder than I had expected it was going to be.

"But I was happy with you just being friends. I just want you to be friends. I'm not comfortable with you having a boyfriend". Oh balls.
Putting her knife and fork down she sulked off to her bedroom and slammed her door.

I knew I shouldn't have given her 4 fish fingers or more sensibly, I should have waited until she'd finished her dinner before I dropped the "Mummy's got a new boyfriend" bombshell.
As I stood outside her bedroom door, trying to reason with her and grasp some understanding of her reaction I couldn't help but think how bloody frustrating it is trying to have a natural and gradual relationship with someone new when you have a child.

I wondered whether I should have just said nothing but I was beginning to think that Evie suspected something was going on so thought it was better to tell her. She's a bright child and I've always tried to have a fairly open relationship with her, within reason. I was wrong though, she had no idea, other than the fact that I appeared to be "acting a bit funny" in her words. That'll be love then, I struggle with it, it makes me go a little crazy.

When the crying finally stopped and Evie let me into her room, I gave her a big hug and tried to reassure her that nothing would change, she still didn't seem happy and it made me very anxious about how she might be when Mr Rockstar came round on Friday night.

I also tried to reassure myself after Evie went to bed by phoning not just my mother but also my brother. Was I being a bad mum, was I putting my own feelings ahead of Evie's?? The truth of the matter was that she felt threatened. The word boyfriend to her meant kissing, cuddling, love, how could I possibly have enough love to go around?

I'd toyed with the idea in the past of remaining single i.e. never settling down with someone until Evie left home. I'd be in my early 40s by then and going by my genes, hopefully not too saggy around the gills. But Mr Rockstar had blasted into my life, I hadn't been expecting this and if I'm honest didn't want to have a boyfriend this year. It was all just supposed to be about Evie and I but as they say, love hits you when you least expect it.

When Mr Rockstar came round on Friday night although I was looking forward to seeing him I was equally worried about Evie. I'd pre-warned him that there may be some animosity, at the most I expected Evie to be quiet and unresponsive towards him. But children have a habit of being unpredictable, often in a way I envy. Within minutes of Mr Rockstar arriving you could be forgiven for thinking the sun shone out of his arse because Evie was hanging off him, getting him to lift her up and generally being very adorable. She did at one point explain to Mr Rockstar that she had cried about the thought of us being boyfriend and girlfriend. He apologised to her saying that he was sorry that she'd got upset and he spoke to her on her level. He impressed me with his maturity, that is until we got to the deli and I was left buying the wine while he played hopscotch with Evie, well, at least he was still on her level.


Rapunzel said...

I'm so glad you blog because although you are my friend we don't get to chat to very often and the quickest way to find out what is going on in each others lives can be through our blogs!

I was gutted to hear Evie's reaction and surprised as well cause she is a very level-headed girl and a real credit to you. I suppose it is understandable that she is upset because she adores you so much though.

I tell you what though, Mr Rockstar sounds great and I'm really looking forward to meeting him!!


Lottie said...

Oh dear... That is what I am dreading with Little Man....

Glad Evie soon came round though and I think Mr Rockstar sounds like a really sweet guy

Lottie x

Kitty Moore said...

I can totally relate although I haven't introduced Mia to anyone I've dated yet. And you are an incredible mother. x

Luscious M said...

'Not just my mother but also my brother'... brilliant. x


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Bird on a Wire
Imagine Carrie from Sex and the City morphed with Bridget Jones and a baby thrown in for added entertainment – that’s me, the ever optimistic romantic looking for my Mr Big but already with child! Read my blog from the beginning where I find out I am pregnant following a brief fling with my much older male colleague and fast forward to where I am now, stressed out working mum to my beautiful 10 year old daughter wondering if love really does in fact exist at first sight.
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