Tuesday, 5 June 2001
I really should be making more of an effort to record every little detail about my baby's development. I've been rubbish so far and totally wrapped up in whatever has been going on with Daniel. I've even been thinking today about whether I should give the baby his surname! There's a part of me that wonders why I am thinking like this. I have come to the conclusion that I must love him. I do miss him and I hate to admit that. Is it a case that because I can't have him, I want him more? I mean, I know I'm carrying his baby so there's an obvious tie but had I not got pregnant would I still be interested in him?

The problem is that when he's got a drink in him he calls, tells me he wants to be with me, his wife and him are sleeping in separate beds blah, blah, blah. He called me on Saturday night drunk but I didn't take much notice of him or at least I tried not to.

I don't expect him to chose between his children and I but I can't compete with his wife. I feel awful that inadvertently I've ended up having an affair with a man who was originally separated and I'm carrying his child.



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Bird on a Wire
Imagine Carrie from Sex and the City morphed with Bridget Jones and a baby thrown in for added entertainment – that’s me, the ever optimistic romantic looking for my Mr Big but already with child! Read my blog from the beginning where I find out I am pregnant following a brief fling with my much older male colleague and fast forward to where I am now, stressed out working mum to my beautiful 10 year old daughter wondering if love really does in fact exist at first sight.
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